The Distance Between Success And Failure Is You - Part I

Do you know that the distance between success and failure is you?

I would like to narrate a story of a man, Paul, who was a Supervisor at a shipping company. He was born and raised up with a wrong mindset against the rich which affected the way his life turned out to be. Fortunately for him, he met a few of his classmates who made him to reformat his mindset to eliminate all the weed-seeds of wrong notions about riches to a more successful-driven mind. For Paul, his story was about a person who was covered with the ashes of poverty to a person that was quaked into riches; he re-wrote the history of his lineage from failure to success.

Paul was a very vibrant and hardworking young man who always goes the-extra- mile to pay his bills and sustain his aged parents. But one day, he got frustrated because he was not getting what he expected in life: he was not earning enough money to pay all his bills again; he was not meeting his demands; he was not having influence among his peers.

Hence, he ventured into other new businesses that could generate more money for him and perhaps make him more famous. (Just like what most people do today). Unknowingly to him at that time, he was chasing success away from himself because his mindset towards the rich and the successful was very negative. He was working against the universal law of attraction that says "like attracts like", or the law of sowing and reaping that says “whatever a man sows, so shall he reap". So, Paul's negative mindset (attitude) was repelling success and attracting frustrations and failures to his works and world.

As a result of this, each time someone talks to him about his ventures he always complained and pass bucks to the government for not providing enough jobs for the citizens and good economy policy to allow small entrepreneurs thrive, his aged parent syndrome, his inability to acquire more professional qualifications in his career, and how he had ventured into opportunities that were not right for him and so on. He always had reasons and excuse for failure or half-success.

Unfortunately for him, he never thought of himself as the problem. Let me just say something here, please whatever you might be going through in life, don't blame anyone if you have not blamed yourself. Don't be too quick to pluck out the mole in someone's else eyes while you have in your eyes a thick mole. If things are not going right blame yourself and try to see what you can do about it first before blaming others. Also, if things are going well for you, appreciate yourself before you appreciate other.

Paul had a ‘blame-game’ mentality. He never bothered about his wrong mindset or attitude about being rich or succeeding in life, but everything that was not provided for him to be great. Meanwhile, he viewed the rich people as bad and corrupt. He viewed and focused more on his imperfections and weakness of not deserving any good things in life by continuously muttering on them. He wished to have so many good things in life but never prepared to put efforts and right attitudes in achieving them. He fond of complaining on what he did not have rather than appreciate and make use of what he had. Hence, he kept on struggling with life and never achieved nor able to sustain any outstanding success in his life.

One day, Paul had the opportunity to attend his University College reunion. From the moment he arrived at the reunion, he enthralled his former classmates with big stories about all the business ventures he was involved in and the great business men and women he had deals with. Just like an old saying, “it is the empty barrel that makes the loudest noise”.  Sometimes, you need to be very careful about people that talks much more than what they do. It is always easy to pilot an aircraft with speech, but the doing of it is reserved for the selected few that are trained.

As a thing of a commonplace for anyone that won’t accept himself/herself as problem or be ready take responsibility for his life, Paul managed to keep from his classmates the fact that all his ventures failed! As he always wanted (he always like to be famous), Paul was the center of the party; he became the subject of discussion and admiration by his mates to the point that almost all his former classmates were envious of his phenomenal success. Even though he had a good and basic university degree (this is not a standard for success anyway), he was also very good at telling big lies and have people believe them (and this is not a great attribute for success at all).

After a while, Paul decided to go into the garden and get some fresh air and more inspirations on how to regale his classmates with more stories. However, he felt really ashamed deep within himself because he had told lies in other to cover up for his failures and shortcomings. But his conscience was not at rest.

(Paul was like a double-minded man whose words were far away from the reality of his mindsets. That was one of the reason he was never stable or firmly rooted in any of his ventures. You might want to say that Paul was speaking by faith. No, he was not. This is because the attitude of faith is not being stupid; it is not an attitude of denying the obvious or accepting responsibility, but ability to see beyond the natural even while you are experiencing the natural. In all sincerity of purpose, faith is a great virtue everyone should covet but in doing that you must be reasonable and exhume every trait of sound mind from within you.)

As Paul was struggling with his feelings of shame, he wishfully thought he could be like some of his mates (Sandra, Tom, Andy, Danny, Pat, etc) who had excelled in all their endeavours. He muttered to himself repeatedly how he could make it in life. “How, how, how,” he said. Suddenly he heard footsteps, it was two of his former classmates, Danny and Andy. Danny was a successful entrepreneur and Andy used to work with one of the Federal Government Agencies but now a Consultant with a big construction firm. (Andy and Danny in a tittle-tattle mood about Paul).

Andy: “Danny, do you really believe Paul was saying the truth about himself? How come none of us ever heard or know these great achievements of his before now. Is this a new way of doing positive affirmation? I am really confused. But nothing is impossible for Godto do for anyone that believes with a right mindset, anyway.”

Danny: “Hmmm.., you are right. Having right mindset is the key, because mind is a fulcrum of what happens in one's life. In fact, good mindset and actions can never produce bad results in life, and bad mindset and actions can never produce good results. Never, no matter how you pray. Walter D. Wintle said “If you think you are beaten - you are; if you think you dare not - you don't; if you like to win, but you think you cannot it's almost a cinch that you won’t. If you think you'll lose - you are lost. For you to make it in the world, it starts with a desire and a right mindset - what you want in life. This is because life's battle doesn't always go to the swifter or faster man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the man who thinks he can". But as for Paul's success, I don't know. But I am going to ask him some questions now.”  (They both moved closer to Paul).

Danny: “Hello Paul, and how has been the get-together?”

Paul: “Hi. It has been very cool, at least a good opportunity to see great people like you guys. I look forward to more it.”

Andy: “Cool, and me too.”

Danny: “But Paul, why are you such a liar? It looks like you fooled everybody in the party. But you didn't fool me at all"

Andy: (whispered to Danny) “that was harsh.”

(Paul didn't know what to say. Perhaps, his silence was answering enough.)

Danny: “Paul, what's that obsession of yours with having so much money in the bank and properties all over the states? Perhaps, it was just your imagination. But you need to know that if your imaginations are not properly guarded and filtered through your desire and right things, you will end up as a scammer and liar which I don't believe that was your intention.”

Paul: (started sobbing) “I am tired of living from paycheck to paycheck and ashamed of it. I regretted to have come-out from a poor lineage; I wish I was like other kids who were born with silver spoons in their mouths. Just imagine the level of prosperity you guys (Sam, Sandra, you, others) have. Danny, you see, in my family we could never afford all the good 'stuffs'. I remember all our past Christmases. My father would come home tired from working like a slave to put food on the table, pay for the rent and buy us some cheap clothes because he could not afford anything better. Poor Dad! I really felt sorry for him. He was working like a slave at a job he disliked and was making his bosses rich and all my poor dad was getting was a lousy paycheck that could not cater for our needs. It looked like all life was sucked out of my Dad. He rarely laughed. You could only see despair and hopelessness in his eyes. He was old beyond his time. Life was not really fair to some people like my family (lineage); perhaps Government and God are not really fair as well."

Andy: “That was very true Paul (nodding his head). Even though I was not close to you but I remembered how you struggled to survive in College. But that was a long time ago. I thought you would have advanced above these thoughts after our graduations, after all you had good results. Anyway, you are still human. Generally life is not fair to anyone, you just have to decide how reasonable you want to make out of life.”

Danny: “One wise man says God is good but life is not fair. Well Andy you are right to some extent. Paul, all what you have said were unhappy days which left for you bitter memories, right? And it appeared those thoughts had dominated your mind.”

Paul: (replied in a very somber tone) “Yes, but I try not to think about those days that is why I said those things at the party. However, all that still echoed in my hears (and possibly believe) were those words my parents say over and over again: 'we cannot afford it'; 'we are not rich'; 'we have to manage to survive, perhaps would be lucky one day'; 'we will never be rich'; 'all the rich people are crooks and are ‘dirty’’; ‘fingers are not equal, and therefore everyone cannot be rich’; ‘to be rich and succeed in life you have to be connected to the political class’; ‘though money does not have lineage, success does’; ‘the rich people in our society are corrupt and might not even enter heaven, so it is better to be poor and enter heaven’.  I remembered vividly that we never had the wonderful Christmas gifts other kids were getting. Life was real hard for us during those days. I don't want to die like my father who was poor, broke, unsatisfied and disillusioned from life. I kept on having these feelings for over ten years. I am really in despair, Danny. I really need help, though I had prayed about it.”

Danny: “I perfectly understand your plight. If you can heed to my advice, you will not die like your father. However, your approach was not going to change anything at all but would rather complicate issues. In fact, with this your approach, your prayers might not be answered, if your prayers are answered you would be worse than this because of your mindset, so stop deceiving yourself.”

Andy: “How do you mean, Danny? This guy (Paul) is frustrated. Don't you understand?”

Danny: “I understand is not happy with himself and is not satisfy with his situation, and he want change. But I don't understand the fact that is frustrated at all. Because someone is not satisfied with something does not imply frustration because every bad or good situation can be altered or stopped.”

Andy: “Paul, I hope, I got you right?”

Paul: “Yes. In fact, both of you are correct. It is not that I had not been having breakthrough at all, but is only that the number of failures I have had in life are more than the success records. I am not what I dreamt to be and what I want to have. In a nutshell, I am not happy with myself and my situations.”

Danny: “Then make yourself happy - there was a story I read about a sick king and a happy man. "There was a king who was very sick and it seemed there was no medications to cure him. One day, all his wise men gathered and deliberated on how they can make their king well and one of them suggested that the cure for the king is happiness. One of them said that if the king would wear the shirt of a happy man, he would be well again. So, messengers were sent all over the country trying to find a happy man. Finally, they came to a field where a man was working and singing and showing all the signs of being extremely happy. Going up to the man, then messengers said, "We see you are a very happy man." "Yes", replied the worker, "very happy." "That's fine," said the messenger," our king is very sick and the only thing will cure him is that he should wear the shirt of a happy man. Please give us your shirt." The workman opened his coat, looked at the messengers and said, "I'm sorry, but I don't have a 'happy' shirt but a happy heart. Go and tell the king to wear a happy heart and not a happy shirt that could be stolen, borrowed or destroyed" The messengers returned to the wise men and told them exactly what happened. Then the wise men concluded that the state of happiness depends on how an individual sees himself or herself, hence for the king to be cured he must make himself happy. The wise men told the king to make himself happy and the king heeded to the counsel of his men and was well sooner than expected.”

You see, no one can make you much happier than yourself. Everyone does his or her choosing; there is no one outside yourself that can hurt or heal you. God loves you, and He does not hurt anyone. Similarly, He cannot heal you if you do not want to be healed. In contrast, the devil does not love you and can hurt you really bad. But he cannot hurt you if you are not ready to be hurt. Paul, you must make yourself happy if you really want to be happy.

Andy: “Thank you Danny for this, Paul you need to make yourself happy.”

Paul: (Taking a deep breath). “Alright. But I would have been much happier than this if I had enough money. Perhaps, if I have enough professional qualifications and skills, or if I had chosen a better career.”

Paul: “Sincerely, I have not seen anything around me that would make me happy. You see, I am not as smart as the people making the big bucks - like you guys, even though we have the same degree. Just like my father, it is just hard for me to make money and succeed in what I ventured into. Sometimes, I asked myself whether my lineage was actually cursed. Because life is just hard, real hard! My parents were right when they told me I would never get rich. I never get any breaks. I will never be able to afford all the things I want. I just see no hope. To tell you the truth, I feel like a total loser. When I read about people that had made it in life, some of them were worse than me when they started. I tried to practice the principles they preach but it never worked for me more than a day. I think it is just my fate to be poor, broke and struggle all my life just like my father. Perhaps, it is my cross that I must carry.”

Andy: “I disagree with your conclusion, Paul.”

Danny: “Paul, this is not your cross. If you have been carrying this situation as a cross, you must drop it and carry something else. But what do you really think is the solution to your problems?”

Paul: Good luck! Good luck!!  Good luck!!!

Danny & Andy: “Hmmmm…”

Paul: “ I will have to also keep trying harder until I get something that works for me. Hopefully, I will be lucky someday. Just like Tony, our classmate. You know immediately the new president assumed office he appointed Tony's Uncle as Special Secretary.  It was him that assisted Tony and some of other guys that were closed to him for the jobs they are doing now. I wish I had good relationship with Tony when we were in the college. Perhaps he would have assisted me as well.”

Danny: “Paul, haven't you tried hard enough? I think you got it all wrong. You don't realize you are the only one to blame? It is high time you stopped blaming your parents or anyone for your mistakes or misfortunes. You are still having this delusion that you can outshine your thoughts. You can never, and until you change your thought cum attitude, you cannot make it.”

Paul: “What? I am killing myself trying to succeed and you tell me I am the only one to blame? You're crazy, Danny. I know I would have been much better than this if my parents were rich or succeeded in their careers.”

Danny: “Hold it right there Paul. If I may ask, since you have been reading about the famous great men and women, how many of them can you trace their successes to their parents or grandparents? Just a few, if you would even find.”

Andy: “You are right Danny. Paul, you need to understand that success (or making a lot of money according to your view of success) is beyond family inheritance and connection. I can tell you that if you did not position your mindset to succeed, that is, you don't have the right attitude to life, you cannot make it. Success or making it real big in life is individualistic based."

Andy: “There was a tale of three friends: Rich, Average and Poverty." Poverty was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. However, he grew-up with a negative attitude towards success by assuming that his parent’s success would automatically be transferred to him. So he did not take upon himself to work-out his salvation from looming predators that prevent people from thinking out-of-the-box with respect to being a success in life. He relied solely on the family inheritances - “I am happy with what my parents have achieved for me over the years, I just have to enjoy my life." he thought. After a few years of living a life larger than himself, and perhaps spending what he never worked for, the things he assumed to have crumbled because he did not have the right attitude to keep it.”

“For Average, he had connections with successful people; he has linked with the influential and famous people. One day one of his friends (who is successful) recommended him to success by offering him an opportunity to execute some tasks and thereby get paid for it. When he analyzed the huge efforts that would be involved he rejected the offer. He said to himself, " I don't think I would be able to handle the results, it is better I remain a friend to this rich guys." Average lost the offer, and he remains average because he was unable to see himself worthy of success.”

“And Rich was brought up with a wrong attitude that successful people are evils, and that to succeed in life is like making a camel to pass through the hole of a needle. But as he grew-up in life, he changed his attitude towards success. He believed himself and also trust in God. He began to develop his skills and aptitudes with the aim that he could make it in life; he built up his strength against his weakness. At the end, he was very successful to the point that people called him success."  “You see, Paul, it is not the name you were called when you were born that matter but the name you called yourself after you  mature. Many great people who were orphans wouldn't have been great if family inheritance was the yardstick.”

Danny: “Andy that was a nice parable. It just affirmed that I determined what goes in and out of my life. It is not the Government, is not my parent/guardian, and is not degree and not how much I earn as wages. It is not even God (you don't have to be religious about this). This parable also called to mind the popular parable of prodigal son in the Bible. But Paul, have you ever bothered yourself to know how the parents of those you assumed are successful made it?”

Paul: “No. I never thought it was necessary.”

Andy: “It is necessary. When you have a good upbringing and a successful lineage is a big plus if you have already determined within yourself to be great. However, it is not a minus for those that do not have. I am saying this out of experience; you all know that I have good parenthood and my lineage is very influential. In spite of this, not all my family members were as successful as I am.  But Danny, why did you say Paul should blame himself?”

(As he was talking, one of other friends joined them. His name is Tom. He was a successful Government employee.)

Danny: “Tom, you can join us in this discussion. It is very important to everyone that want to change things. Whether the person has enough now or not.”

Tom: “Interesting! (He exchange greetings with Paul and Andy).”

...continue in part II